Well hi there, it has been such a long time! I have been so busy, i fear i have neglected you.
Let me refresh your memory - I am the two candidate status quo, but you, like my other dear friends, know me as Toucan Quo.
I have been working hard for you for decades, bringing you the best candidates that could ever exist, thanks to the two party status quo, kept in place by many hard-working, dedicated people - you probably know some of them!
You may have heard my cousin, notjusttoucan, squawking about there being other candidates this year. Pay him no mind, he wakes up every couple years and gets noisy, he will quiet back down soon.
You and i, we have been close friends for so long, so you believe me that my two candidate status quo is still your best option. Don't be alarmed that a majority of the country is unhappy with this years pair - your fellow countrymen will come around and fall in line when the time comes.
They always do.
You are smart enough to know my two mainstream candidates have to be the best; they are the result of many months of serious debate and voter input, only the cream of the crop could rise to the top.
Look at how interested the press is in these two! Hardly a day goes by without a fresh news story appearing about at least one of them. We worked hard this year to make sure this would be an exciting election!
Just imagine how great it would be to have four years of that excitement!
Really, having more than two choices is just too complicated, right? Conservative or liberal, left or right, blue or red, making that choice is so much easier.
That's why we have put all this effort into a two party status quo - just for your benefit.
After all, who has 3 arms? Two is just So natural, and organic, and wholesome.
Speaking of wholesome - here, have another beer; let's see what is on the TeeVee...
Hey, look, here is a great episode of Judge Dr. Maury Jerry Williams, you will really like this one.
I have to run meet some other good friends, i am glad we got back together for this little chat.
Remember, if any of your nutty friends say there are more than 2 candidates, give them a punch on the arm with a good chuckle and tell them they can still come to the game, just don't make any crazy talk.
See ya, good buddy!